Side note: If you are getting this again, I apologize, it appears there was a small issue on the blog with the first post – thanks.
_
Sometimes, I ask for blog post ideas and a dear reader of mine suggested I write on the topic of self-discovery and why women struggle with it.
I’m no expert, but I think it was a great idea, plus I find it so intriguing to discuss uncomfortable topics, and something one must do at times.
Anyway, here’s my attempt. Feel free to let me know your thoughts at the end.
Don’t be everything for everyone
There are a so many standards placed on women. I think trying live up to these standards gets in the way of self-realization. Of knowing who we really are, and what our purpose is. These are some things expected of women:
- Be attractive
- Have big boobs and a big ass (but don’t be fat)
- Smile and make people feel happy, good etc.
- Be smart (but, not smart enough to talk about politics)
- Be there for people
- Don’t swear
- Get married
- Be great in bed, but be sexually submissive
- Have a baby
- Have more babies
- Raise amazing children
- Balance your career (if you want a career) with your children, home etc.
- Organize and clean up at office parties, birthdays, other social events
- Be the good cop, or the compassionate one. Otherwise you will seem bitchy
- Be super involved in your children’s lives
- Always be there when your grown ass children need something
- Help take care of your grandchildren when your children need to go out
These are just some things, and look, not all women do these things and it’s okay to get married and have a family, I’m not saying it isn’t. It’s an amazing thing if you can find someone you love and build a family.
But, whether we like it or not, all of these things are relational. They involve others. And while I think some of these are important they are nonetheless, relational, that’s why it’s important do things a lone too. There needs to be a balance so that it doesn’t leave you empty, resentful, victimized. That list should have things like:
- Don’t compare your real life to someone else’s virtual life on Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest
- Don’t fear being a lone, embrace it
- Travel solo
- Take a survey of your interests and explore them
- Get rid of your toxic friends. You know who they are. They slow you down and are there to criticize you, not help you
- Once in a while, stay out too late and behave inappropriately
- Swear
- Take a class like yoga, dance or kickboxing
- Make a list or create a vision board of what you want to do
These are just some things. You know what those things are more than I do. These are just examples.
And if you are a mom, you are honored to be a mother. I know. It is the most rewarding thing. You love what you do. But, there is more.
Because at some point in your life, you’ve asked…”What about me? What do I want?” Even the most successful, and accomplished women has asked these questions.
It’s scary isn’t it?
It’s scary to ask what you want. It’s even scarier to know the answer. And it’s painful when on top of knowing exactly what you want, you don’t do it. Because now you have to face your shit.
When you always do stuff for others, you avoid facing your shit. Just something to think about…
Be present
There is also the false notion that once you find yourself, you will be better; that perhaps you will then be happy.
I have an issue with this.
You’re missing out on the moment! I know that we can’t grasp every-single-moment! I know that. But, we miss out when we’re worried about tomorrow.
The other day, I stumbled on an old journal while cleaning my closet. I wrote on this journal periodically between the ages of 23-25. This was a rough time for me. I was focusing on the negativity around me, rather than the great stuff. I was impatient to be successful, preoccupied with the future, and only looking to the past to feel regret for what I hadn’t accomplished yet.
And something hit me.
What was I complaining about? Everything was fine. I was in college getting an education, I had support from my family and friends, I was eager and ambitious. I was a 23 year-old quoting Dostoevsky! Pretty damn cool chick, I’ll say.
But somehow, I did not notice all that good stuff. I was too busy, too consumed by the everyday – letting the bad days get to me. I wasn’t living in the moment.
The journey is the treasure. There isn’t some self in the future that will arrive. It’s in you. Bring it out today, this hour, this minute.
Get dirty
We see traces of it in our childhood, but we forget, we get distracted with practicality, convention, complacency, whatever. Our job is to dig it up from all the shit that gets in the way: negative messages, toxic people, our demons.
And whatever else we want in life, we CREATE it. We go and get it.
I don’t have all the answers. And I’ll tell ya, I’m faaaaaar from having it all figured out. But I’m here every day. I notice. It’s a daily thing…to check on yourself. I make time for my shit. I say, “No” to people.
The way we discover anything is by excavating, by getting out and getting dirty. Same goes with the discovery of our SELF.
You’re going to fail, loose, cry and hurt. And you’re going to know what it means to win, to love and lead your own path too, but only if you try.
If you have a blog post idea, our would like to write for Notebook and Muse. Shoot me an email: camposalma83@gmail.com. I’d also love to know your thoughts.
The post Why some women struggle to find themselves appeared first on Alma Campos .