I’ll confess my mom guilt.
I want it all — every moment, every smile. I want to give myself entirely to this girl, even when I’m tired. If I miss something, like a milestone, or forget that moment that I told myself I would never forget, I feel the guilt creep up and consume me. I ask myself, why wasn’t I more attentive? I over think it, and this in itself is crazy. I know. I feel crazy as I type this.
I can’t capture and do everything. That’s insane. I’ts draining and impossible! I think it happens to a lot of new parents.
But, in general, moms (and dads too) have forever experienced a weird, daunting, crazy guilt — sometimes about little things, and big too. Here are some things that can make us feel guilty:
- Putting on the TV while we check our phones.
- Forgetting (or purposely forgetting) to bathe your child today.
- Accidentally skipping lunch.
- Still not getting around doing the little clay hand print thingy you saw on Pinterest.
- Not taking your children out enough, or organizing more playdates so that they can “socialize.”
- Not recording all of the milestones in video or writing down every special moment.
- Taking your children to childcare or having caretaker arrangements for them during the week while you work or go to school.
- Feeding your children crackers and rice for dinner.
- Realizing you forgot to put sunscreen on a scorching hot day.
- Yelling at your kids.
There are a million other things. But, what about the times when you play with your children, sing to them, teach them good values, take them to the park, tell them they are beautiful, smart and strong? Do you remember those things? Or think about those at night before going to bed? You should.
WHY we feel guilty
We’re primed to put our children first. We want to be perfect based on false standards — the stuff we see on TV. It’s not fair. Let’s take it easy on ourselves. You wonder what your child will tell his or her therapist about you one day, don’t you? And you hate some aspects about the way you were brought up and you want to do better than your parents. Yes you do. Admit it. But, your child will grow up, and be alright. It is a good thing you are concerned.
How to cope with the guilt, and then let it go
1. Think about it this way: In the large scheme of things, this stuff is really not a big deal. When you were a child, did you think your mom was awful for letting you watch cartoons on Saturday mornings? Or did you look at your dad resentfully when you found out he forgot the sunscreen at the park?
2. If there is something that is truly bothering you that perhaps is really an issue then address it, work on it, and then let it go —- OR be miserable. You can’t be perfect. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. Parenting is a work in progress, always.
Like, say, lately you’ve been putting on the TV a lot, I mean A LOT, and it makes you feel horrible, but at the same time, it helps because you can get stuff done around the house. You don’t have to be drastic. Maybe you can put on the TV for 30 mins in the morning while you do the dishes and another 30 in the afternoon, that’s it. Lay off little by little. Or make them choose between TV and going to the park. Most likely they will choose the park.
I hope one of your guilty things isn’t housework. It is okay, to have a house that looks like children live in it — with toys on the floor and dishes on the sink. Yes, even when guests come by.
5. Your children love you, but they need you to be imperfect too — as in NORMAL. They need to know that we are real people with flaws, and not weird ass Bree Van de Kamp from Desperate Housewives. Go ahead — click on the link to see a picture of her. Creepy right?
It’s okay if they hear you curse from time to time or if you serve a quick meal for dinner.
6. Know that it is normal to have these feelings, but don’t dwell on them and having them just means that you care.
Don’t forget that there are other things in the world that require your attention. Like, taking care of yourself, growing yourself, having fun for Christ’s sake!
What is your mommy or daddy guilt/s? And how do you cope with it?
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The post How to let go of mommy (or daddy) guilt and be at peace appeared first on Alma Campos .