After writing, How to let go of mommy (and daddy) guilt and be at peace, I found out two things. First, it confirmed that no — you can’t overcome parental guilt.
So, there’s that, and I will get to this in a bit.
Second, I came across a bunch of parental guilt triggers which I found hilarious. Laughing OUT LOUD at my local library while blogging on the topic gave me a breakthrough: Don’t fight it. Laugh. Embrace it. This is part of life!
You can’t make parental guilt disappear, and trying to do that is a lot of work in itself.
Today, moms have far higher expectations than previous generations did. There is this do-it-all mentality. Mothers are not only expected to raise her children, but to work too, and accomplish everything that goes along with being a mom: cook, clean, workout, host at parties, educate her children — I’m not going to keep going with this list.
I can’t speak for men, but I can assume that the responsibilities of the working dad are unrealistic too. Men are supposed to provide and make a living deemed “respectable.” Not being able to work, afford a home, have enough savings and spend time with his children due to keeping up with these responsibilities can cause this guilt.
My point is that, all of these expectations are what trigger our guilt. When we are not doing everything, concurrently, without missing a beat, we feel guilty; which is bullshit.
So my thing is simple. When I get that feeling — I say: “This is bullshit! I’m doing okay!
These are deep-seated beliefs about gender roles and expectations that get passed on. It’s GREAT to aim for the best for your family; to achieve all you can. But, trying to do it all — and perfectly — is unhealthy. It causes stress, depression, anxiety that can physiologically and mentally affect you in the long run.
Let’s call this guilt out for its bullshit, and first be good to ourselves, no?
A list of some guilt triggers I found online from stay at home moms. Many of these made me CRACK UP. Enjoy.
- When from a distance you catch your child playing a lone. You think you should be playing down there with him
- When you watch her sleep peacefully in the crib
- Putting them in the bouncer to get a few extra minutes of sleep in the morning
- When they are fussy — you try everything — except that ONE THING that is bothering them. You check the diaper, and distract them with toys and nope — they are HUNGRY and they eat like they are starving! Shit, shit, shit!
- Driving the car with them by yourself. Should I talk to them? Are they bored? Did they fall asleep with their chin on their chest?
- When they get shots — despite knowing it’s for the better
- Answering emails on your phone or laptop while they play
- When you see another mom, and think they have it all together or have an easier time. Bitch, please.
- Not having enough family dinners together
- Neglecting to video record something you think you should have
- Reading this blog post.
- Finding aspects of motherhood quite tedious, or boring like repeatedly watching them go down the slide, or reading their favorite book a gazillion times per day!
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The post You can’t get rid of parental guilt, but you can call it out on its bullshit appeared first on Alma Campos .